Troubled Teens Resources

One of the most painful things for Karen to remember was her mother’s inability to forgive herself for the troubles that Karen went though as a teenager. “I tried so hard to convince her that I forgave her - that the most important thing is that she loved me and that she did all that she knew how to do. But I couldn’t convince her and she died never forgiving herself for how she raised me.”

There was very little in the way of teen crisis intervention for parents in the sixties and seventies. There wasn’t a “Just Say No’ campaign, no D.A.R.E type community efforts, no teen treatment programs. Just the horror of seeing your beloved teenager succumb to drug addiction and self-destruction. “I put my mother through crisis after crisis,” Karen mused, “and there wasn’t anything but prayer for my mother to turn to.”

Karen’s story emphasizes how important it is for a parent today not to take on the guilt of their teenager’s addictions or at-risk behavior.

“As I look back, there are many things that I would have done differently had I known differently. But I didn’t know. I did the best I could, given my then current level of knowledge and then current level of inner healing.

This is what is true for must of us as parents - we did the best we could, given our level of knowledge and healing at that time. It is, therefore, inappropriate to judge ourselves or be available to being judged by our children. It is certainly appropriate to acknowledge our shortcomings, but it is not appropriate to allow our children to blame us for their current problems.”
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Guilt can cripple the parent’s authority by providing a teenager a handy scapegoat and another excuse. Even if a parent has legitimate grounds to blame themselves for their teenager’s self-destructive behavior, it does not negate the teenager’s need to take responsibility for their own actions.