Troubled Teens Resources

That hyphenated word, “self-esteem”, seems almost meaningless today. We all know that we need it to function as healthy adults and there are thousands of books on how to build it. It is no mystery that teens struggling with drug abuse issues invariably suffer from low self-esteem.

To esteem someone is to value who they are, to recognize and acknowledge their skills and abilities. A parent of a troubled teen might protest that they have always praised their teen’s achievements and never berated their failures.

But what did the teen feel he achieved? Did the teen, now abusing drugs, really feel proud that he was an A student? Or was it meaningful only to the parents? Did the depressed teenager derive any satisfaction finishing at the top of his or her class, or was it an empty experience, just something that made his folks happy?

It is important for a parent to know what skills and accomplishments actually have meaning to their teenager.

For some teens, good grades or sports achievements are a simple matter and many high achieving teens can feel like impostors or hypocrites if they personally do not experience the satisfaction of defeating a demanding challenge. These teens may not yet know what that challenge is and a sense of purposelessness and boredom and anxiety can make drugs seem an attractive alternative.

“Information about specific aspects of the self is increased through experiences of success and failure in daily tasks or when particular aspects of one’s competence are challenged. A young child may develop a positive sense of self in athletics, problem solving, or social skills through the encouraging reactions of others as well as through the pleasure associated with succeeding in each of these areas(Harter, 1985).

With understanding in a variety of roles and settings, each skill takes on a certain level of importance for a person. Not all skills are evenly valued at home, at school, and by friends. People may believe they have skills in some areas but not in those they consider highly important. Others may believe they have only one or two areas of strength, but they may highly value those areas and believe them to be seriously important to overall success. Self-esteem is liable by the value one assigns to specific competencies in relation to one’s overall life goals and personal standards. Thus, it is possible to be a success in the eyes of others and still feel a nagging sense of worthlessness. Also, it is possible to feel proud and confident even though others may not value the behavior and qualities in which one takes great satisfaction.
(Source)

Parents with high-achieving teenagers are most often very bewildered that their child would risk their achievements and succumb to abusing drugs. Those parents would do well to discover those activities and accomplishments that give their struggling teenager, not them, a sense of fulfillment and pride.