Troubled Teens Resources

The warning signs of a teen crisis can be subtle in the begining followed by more critical signs, without an intervention and the proper reatment your teen is at risk of going down a road of no return. Teen crisis interventions can change and save lives.

Warning Signs

• Change in routine and healthy sleep habits.
• Joining new group of friends who are unacceptable to parents.
• Recent and dramatic drop in school work, attendance or grades.
• Abrupt failure or refusal to contribute to the family in terms of work.
• Deception, lying and keeping their activities a secrete.

Critical Signs

• Dramatic disregard for self-care and hygiene.
• Drugs or drug paraphernalia
• Abrupt change in personality, attitude and emotional stability
• Possession of weapons
• Reckless, destructive and threatening behavior
• Violent, self-harming or suicidal statements or behavior

In most cases it takes time for a crisis to become critical, life threatening, or intolerable. A pattern of crises have usually taken place before yet another crisis quickly becomes dangerous. At some point, one can trace the cause to one or more factors. Identifying these factors can help characterize the evolution of the crisis, the appropriate response, and the duration of intervention that may be necessary.
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For more information, click on the link above.
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Fathers who place their daughters in teen boarding schools are performing a painful, but necessary teen crisis intervention - not abandoning them, not betraying them. Yet fathers are particularly besieged with guilt when their daughters behavior leads them to place her in a boarding school for troubled teens. Fathers see their role as one of protector and provider. How could they have let their little girl down? How does a father handle dealing with a daughter who is trapped in addiction?

A site dedicated to exploring the relationships between fathers and daughters offers an account of one father’s experience.

“My daughter was in chemical dependency treatment last year and the hardest thing was to fight my urge to go in there and rescue her. Everyone told me that the best thing for her was to have her face the consequences of what she was doing. I knew that in my head, but it was really hard to do. I really needed support from other parents, especially one or two other dads, but boy, that was really hard to ask for, too.

She’s getting better, but still struggling – I mean, she’s only a kid. But I’m starting to see that sometimes the pain’s a real tool. It helps her see how serious this is and gets her moving to do what she needs to do to get better. That’s really hard to watch because she’s my little girl and Daddy’s supposed to be her protector. I know in my head that protecting her from the hurt or from the consequences, in a way, protects her from getting better. But, damn, that’s hard to let her hurt. It’s harder than going through all the chaos she put us through when she was drinking.”

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Alcohol was the drug of choice for Nicole’s young son. She wasn’t ware of it until it was almost too late. Typical of a single mother, her she worked two jobs and trusted the family babysitter. Unfortunately, the trust was misplaced. She discovered that most of the alcohol was consumed under her watch.

Nicole’s family was alarmed when her course of action was to enroll her son in a military boarding school. But Nicole was determined.Alcohol had ruined her marriage and her parent’s marriage and she was not going to allow her son to fall in the same trap. He was given a choice between a school for troubled teens with an emphasis on sports or a military school. Military school won out and it has turned out to be the solution her son needed.

She is to be commended for her responsible actions. Recent news items indicate that, unfortunately, many parents of teens at risk are not.

“We have an underage drinking epidemic on our hands because of the parents who condone it, the retailers who enable it and the children who participate in it,” said Mundelein Police Chief Raymond Rose, head of a countywide task force on underage drinking. “It is a problem that involves all of society, and will require all of society to remedy.”

Deerfield Police Chief John Sliozis, whose community was stung by the deaths of Daniel Bell and Ross Trace, said parents must realize that it’s never safe for teens to drink.

“Some people have always believed that if the kids were drinking under their so-called supervision, it was not really a problem,” Sliozis said. “As acceptable as that myth may have been 20 or 30 years ago, I believe there is no way to deny that teens are far too mobile these days for anyone to subscribe to it.”

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Deerfield is the community where two parents were convicted for allowing underage drinking in their home, pleading ignorance. Their ignorance cost two teens their lives.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder is a diagnosis that many treat with skepticism. Not that the behavior doesn’t exist, but that it constitutes yet another disorder. Parents will have to review available material and evaluate their own children to determine the accuracy of how the behavior is labeled. But, what every parent very much needs are a variety of options as to how to change that behavior, be it an actual disorder or not.

Great-grandparents used to perhaps refer to “ODD teens” as “snot nosed kids” and sent them packing to military boarding school - no brat camps back then - or to do some hard labor for the summer at a relative’s farm and that was the end of it .Sometimes you wonder if issues like teen age drug abuse, teen pregnancies and high drop out rates would be less prevalent if some of our great grandparents stern stuff were still being served up to teens.

If you are struggling with the definition of ODD and whether or not it applies to your teen, the link below has a good overview on the topic. Here are a couple of their suggestions for parents.

• Find support for yourself. This might be in the form of relatives, area support groups, online chat rooms, or meeting friends who understand for lunch. Have some form of support that you are able to talk to, people that will not judge you but will provide support for your struggles and may be going through some of the same situations.
• Pick your battles with your child. Power struggles will come often with a child with ODD. Choose your battles carefully and determine exactly what you want beforehand.
• Keep a life of your own. Don’t have your child become your life. Keep interests of your own outside of your home and your child. As easily as you can become wrapped up in the struggles of raising a child with ODD, you can become burned out and not have the energy left to complete the task.

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Schools for troubled teens are a tremendous boon and have been a strong factor in the recovery of drug addicted teens and teens with behavioral problems. However, they are often unfairly portrayed by the media as if they were prison camps. When parents are considering enrolling their teen in a troubled teen boarding school or a summer brat camp, it is advisable not to depict the school as punishment, but as a means of ultimately helping the troubled teenagers reach their dreams.

“I know that is why Brooke ran away, sobbed her best friend Diane, ” and if she ever finds out that I told you where she was thinking of going,well, she won’t ever forgive me”

What Brooke doesn’t realize is that she probably saved her friend’s life. What ever reason a troubled teenager may have for running away, they often put their “best friends ” in a terrible position when confiding in them. Brooke finally went to Dianne’s mother who described the school Dianne was to attend, convincing Brooke that punishment was not the goal, but that attending would help Dianne who had been depressed and suicidal. Convinced, Brooke told them where Dianne went.

“Talk with your friend about what’s bothering him or her and put your heads together to find better — and more constructive — solutions. At the same time, speak with an adult you trust as soon as possible, and tell him or her that your friend is talking seriously about running away. If you don’t feel comfortable telling your parents, there are other adults in your life who may be able to help out: another relative, a teacher, a coach, a school counselor, your family doctor, or a religious leader, for example.

A trusted adult may be able to help your friend understand that there are better alternatives to running away.”

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Brat camp counselors know this regimen well. So do troubled teen boarding school teachers as do the many teen help professionals that promote and value instilling discipline. And about the most enjoyable way to learn discipline is through sports.

I often recall the stories an athletic coach would tell of the amazing results that he had teaching troubled teens how to harness and enhance their natural power and prowess in a gym,and especially how well martial arts succeeded in teaching that. He was not alone in his enthusiasm.

“The mystique of karate, which filtered into the United States… has a draw that western team sports, such as baseball or basketball, can’t match, said Brad Binder, a neuro-biologist..

“The main reasons go beyond the physical activity,” he said. “But that aspect is speculative. No one really knows yet.”

A sense of accomplishment is valuable for all human beings. For many teens, that experience is hard to come by. They know failure after failure, and thus, view their lives as doomed. And now it appears that mastering martial arts not only can give the troubled teen that pride, but can also give them a tool to manage ADHD.

“Because karate is fast-paced and visual, it can appeal to children with attention disorders who in the classroom might lash out but are model students on the mat, said Joe Palanzo, president of the Worldwide Kenpo Karate Association in Baltimore.

“It gives you a certain satisfaction you don’t get doing anything else,” Palanzo said.

Sometimes this success extends into the classroom, increasing a student’s concentration.

“It taught me how to sit still and avoid the distractions, how to avoid everything around me, how everything around me is blocked out,” said Larry Calcote, 13, who is diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.”

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Attention deficit hyperactive disorder has recently been viewed as amenable to treatment that simply involves getting teenagers outside, away from iPods,video games,TV,and all the sedentary ways that accompany those habits. Though we mostly hear from health specialists from the American perspective, doctors in England are making similar studies.

“For too long we have seriously underestimated the benefits nature has for the health of our nation. Everyone, from government to charities like the RSPB to private landowners, needs to work together to give people more access to nature.”

Parents who are considering enrolling their teen in a troubled teen boarding school might want to consider the lay of the land around it. Is it located where the beauty of nature can be one of the healing elements in your troubled teen’s recovery? Does the school offer a wilderness camp type of experience?
Here are some of the benefits all of us derive from interaction with nature:

• People’s stress levels fell within minutes of contact with nature.
• Hospital patients with views of nature needed fewer painkillers following operations.
• Elderly people with easy access to nature are much happier with their quality of life.
• Nature aids the part of the brain that controls irritability, helping to reduce violent behaviour.
• Playing in a natural environment improved children’s concentration, self-discipline and their social and mental development, as well as reducing the symptoms of conditions like attention deficit disorder (ADHD).

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Teens at risk can manifest symptoms of behavioral problems in peculiar and very destructive ways. An acquaintance recently enrolled her daughter in a troubled teen boarding school. She had been having problems for almost two years prior to coming to the conclusion that Jenny would not get the support she needed from the public school system. When I asked her what the last straw was she had a one word answer.

“Cutting. I’d read about it and thought it too weird to contemplate- never thought for a second that Jen would do something that harmful, but, well, I walked into her room when she was getting dresses and saw all of these fresh scabs and scars and when I confronted her she broke down into a sobbing mess. That’s when I knew her depression was beyond what I could handle. I needed help.”

Believe or not, such a painful practice can become addictive. Here is how one teen on a bulletin board described it.

“Before you make that first cut remember: You will enjoy this. You will find the blood and pain release addictive. Even though you think you can make a couple tiny cuts that’s aren’t deep and that will heal easily, they will get deeper. They will scar. They will take sometimes months to heal and years for the scars to fade. If you think you can limit the cutting to one part of your body, think again; it will spread when you run out of skin.”

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To educate yourself about cutting, or self-harm, Psyke.org has information, testimony and a collection of very unpleasant pictures.

Troubled teenagers have every reason to be troubled given the culture that they have had spoon fed to them these past few decades.
Susan Carney at Suite101.com makes the point well when she discusses the issue of sexual harassment charges between teens at school. What in the world do parents expect? Their teens watch women treated like “hos” everyday. Paris Hilton has been seen in every intimate act that can be videotaped yet Hollywood and the press idolize her.

“Kids are involved in a sort of runaway culture that is moving so faster that many parents simply can’t keep up. The images and themes permitted on TV and in movies are more provocative than ever before.
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This issue brings to the fore an interesting but rarely talked about intersection of maturity level and culture for our kids. If developmentally they are not able to handle and process much of the sexual content that is in their faces on a regular basis, should we be aghast that it comes to the surface in their daily interactions with one another?”

Troubled teen boarding school is probably the best thing that can ever happen to the teens who eventually enroll in one. At least the highly volatile teen years are spent in a structured environment based on discipline,self-respect and high achievement. Poor behavior is scorned, not celebrated. Restraint is admired, not derided as suffocating. Men and women are celebrated not for their sexual prowess or drug rehabs but for their accomplishments in the arts, sciences,technology and literature.

Military boarding schools and other private schools can produce some unexpected benefits. Unlike your typical teen, troubled teens in boarding schools are not inundated with media 24/7. In many cases there are no media privileges except for those students who are at the top tier of their classes.
Many recent studies are bearing out what a thinking parent has recognized instinctively. Teens watching too much media and constantly connected to iPods and video games are experiencing more learning and behavioral problems than their unconnected counterparts.

“Our findings suggest that teenagers who spent a lot of time watching TV tend to be more likely to have attention and learning problems that persist and interfere with their long-term educational achievement,” said Johnson.

“Whether teens had existing attention or learning problems or whether they didn’t have them, they were at greater risk for later attention and learning problems,” Johnson said.

Johnson advises parents to limit the amount of time they let their children watch TV. “About one to two hours a day,” he said. “And they should be watching quality programming,” he added.”

Other data indicates that 40% of infants as young as three months old are regular TV viewers, the percentage jumping to 90 by two years of age. It is of such concern to many child professionals that they consider it one of the greater health risks children face.

You do not need to enroll your teen into a troubled teen boarding school to cut off media, but you can educate yourself with the newest data and start gaining control over the entire family’s media consumption.