Troubled Teens Resources

Military boarding schools can take the bully out of the bully and replace it with the self-confidence that cruel behavior typically indicates is lacking. A bully 9 times out of 10 has very low self-esteem which supports a defensive stance to the world. A bully is always sure that every word is a criticism or that they are being treated unfairly.

Immaturity is another counterpart to the bully disposition. Because they are unable to tolerate what is perceived as rejection or criticism, the first response of a bully is to lash out as opposed to think an incident through to determine if any ill will was actually intended.

Bullying can be divided into three categories, according to the “experts”:

• Visual bullying (Something you see). Examples: gestures or mimicking, faces, pictures, graffiti or notes; and cyber bullying (utilizing myspace, email, IM or other internet means to harass).
• Verbal bullying (Something you hear or is said). This includes name-calling, cruel “jokes”, spreading rumors or gossip, verbal threats, excluding, and offensive sounds.
• Physical bullying (something that is done to your body). Examples: throwing things, poking, touching, grabbing or pushing, blocking someone’s way, hitting or punching, intimidating.

(Source)

Military boarding schools and various troubled teen boarding schools and boot camps are well known for the positive results that their regimen of discipline produces in a teenager. From false bravado, the bully can transition into self-confidence and emotional maturity. They can go from seeing the world as hostile and full of enemies to a world that offers opportunity and friendships.

Sometimes an intervention can be a simple thing.
I ran into a  story about a simple kindness that resulted in saving the life of a depressed teenager.

It is a story that you may want to share with your own teenagers who may often feel powerless when they are witness to the cruelties of school yard bullies.

“One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.” I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.”

He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now.

I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes.
[..]
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and was going to Duke… Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.
[..]
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began “Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach… but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.”

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn’t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. “Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.”
from Jared’s Story.com

I don’t know if the events in this story actually occurred, but the lesson it demonstrates expresses a profound truth. One never knows which simple act of kindness will heal. Small interventions of kindness can circumvent a looming crisis in a struggling teenager’s life.