Troubled Teens Resources

Many out-of-control teenagers end up in schools for troubled teens because they have no will or mind of their own. Sounds harsh, but a teen who gives into peer pressure does so because they have allowed someone else to more power over them than they do over themselves.

But how do you raise a teen to be independent and strong? Why are some teens imbued with a sense of who they are and a healthy portion of self-respect and some teens seem to be clay in whatever hands can mold them?

It is a very tricky task to raise a strong willed teen but it can be done.

“One mistake parents make is giving children too much independence when they’re not mature enough to handle it.

“Teens need limits and structure, and they also need to know that they are loved,” he says. “Even though my teenage patients sometimes think it’s weird, I tell them to ask advice from their parents, not their peers, adding, ‘Your mom won’t lead you astray.’”

He’s bothered by parents who assume “If everybody’s doing it, it’s okay. Parents should not automatically accept their teen’s answers to their concerns – for example, the significance of a bracelet or armband – but should question everything.”

“I define peer pressure to my patients as ‘what I think they think I am,’ and ask them, ‘Do you want to be a slave to all your friends?’” he says.

He finds that teenage girls, especially, look for their self-esteem in others. “Instead they should believe in themselves, accept themselves with all their mistakes and successes.”

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Related: Troubled Teens and Peer Pressure

Teen help that comes in the form of “Self-Esteem” programs has been subject to a great deal of criticism. The current pop psychology suggests that self-esteem can be bolstered by eliminating challenges that the teen might fail at, or by giving indiscriminate praise, no matter what the teen actually does.

Unfortunately, such programs render the teen incapable of meeting life’s demands, crippling his development and allowing for the type of immaturity that can easily lead to teen age drug abuse and other intrinsically selfish behavior.

Teens at risk are far better served by honesty. They so easily detect phoniness and grow to distrust adults, or even friends, who don’t care enough to say what is true or appear unable to recognize the truth.
Click the link below for the article the following synopsis comes from. There are simple and practical ways of helping a teen think well of themselves.

• Self-esteem is indeed important but the way to achieve is isn’t by blurring reality. _ has some very practical advice on how parents can work with their teens in developing authentic self-esteem.
• Provide Opportunities. Get kids involved in tasks that are slightly above their current level of functioning….
• Model Positive Thinking. Exhibiting a negative attitude can easily rub off on kids…
• Model Problem-Solving. Many kids are often uncomfortable when things don’t come easy because they don’t have the skills to manage roadblocks….
• Don’t Rescue. Avoid the urge to jump in at the first sign of frustration….
• Use Praise Properly. Don’t waste praise on simple or effortless tasks..
• Nice try. Despite our best attempts, we don’t succeed at everything….

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When teen crisis intervention methods are based on the latest pop psychology as opposed to just plain common sense, disastrous results can occur. Such could be said for the pop wisdom that advocates protecting a teen’s so-called self-esteem at all costs. Susan Carney at Suite101 delineates the two opposing camps that have circled this issue and makes a clear case for plain common sense.

Common sense recognizes that self-esteem is the natural outgrowth of accomplishment. Of achieving a high mark. Of winning the race. Self-esteem is a natural process that is grounded in reality. Proponents of “feel good” self-esteem fail to realize that teens can detect empty praise as soon as it is given. Teen help that is premised on a fiction is, at best, counter-productive.

” Many self-esteem “programs” advocate encouraging kids to feel positive about themselves based on little more than the empty words. Platitudes such as “You’re special!” and “You’re great just as you are!” attempt to build up kid’s egos without the expectation of any self-improvement or growth. Without ties to any real accomplishment, the praise is hollow, and kids know it. Further damage is done when kids internalize that message to mean, “if they tell me I’m wonderful and I haven’t even done anything, maybe that means they don’t think I CAN do anything.” Or worse, “if I’m already great, why should I try something I might not be able to do and risk looking incompetent?” Far from inspiring capability, this line of thinking actually encourages helplessness.”

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